Relationships Take Work
The Work of Communication

“If we are willing to do the work, the relationship can work.” – Pastor Billy Johnson

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WHAT IS COMMUNICATION?

COMMUNICATION IS NOT:

• Talking
• Getting your point across

COMMUNICATION IS:

• COMMUNICATION is to transmit information, thought, or feeling so that it is satisfactorily received or understood (Webster’s definition)
• We communicate by common system of symbols, signs, behavior, and speech

 

COMMUNICATION REQUIRES

• Communication requires HEARING AND BEING HEARD

There must be a willingness to listen and allow the other person to express their point of view.
James 1:19 (NKJV) – So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath;

• Communication requires UNDERSTANDING AND BEING UNDERSTOOD

There must be a genuine desire to connect beyond a surface level.

• Communication requires MATURITY

QUESTION:  DO YOU REALLY WANT TO COMMUNICATE?

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WARNINGS ABOUT COMMUNICATION

THE TONGUE HAS THE POWER OF DEATH AND LIFE

Proverbs 18:20–21 (NKJV) – A man’s stomach shall be satisfied from the fruit of his mouth; From the produce of his lips he shall be filled.

²¹Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit.

Power – the open hand – It indicates power, means, and direction

NO ONE CAN TAME THE TONGUE

James 3:8 (NKJV) – But no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.

Tame – to bring under control and continue to restrain – to hold in check

James says we put bits in horses’ mouth, and it obeys us.  We put rudders on a ship, and it turns, but no one can tame the tongue!

YOU WILL HAVE TO GIVE AN ACCOUNT OF WHAT YOU SAY

Matthew 12:36–37 (NKJV) – But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment.

³⁷For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.”

Matthew 12:36 (AMP)

³⁶But I tell you, on the day of judgment men will have to give account for every idle (inoperative, nonworking) word they speak.

 

 

WAYS TO COMMUNICATE

TRUTHFULLY

Ephesians 4:25 (NKJV) – Therefore, putting away lying, “Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor,” for we are members of one another.

Ephesians 4:15 (NKJV) – but, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head—Christ—

Colossians 3:9 (NKJV) – ⁹Do not lie to one another, since you have put off the old man with his deeds,

• Lies erode trust
• Trust is extended to the level of truth and no further

THE QUESTION TO ASK:

Did I tell the truth?

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THOUGHTFULLY

Proverbs 29:20 (NKJV) – Do you see a man hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him.

Proverbs 29:20 (NLT) – There is more hope for a fool than for someone who speaks without thinking.

• THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK

Proverbs 15:28 (NKJV)

²⁸The heart of the righteous studies how to answer, But the mouth of the wicked pours forth evil.

Proverbs 15:28 (NLT)

²⁸The heart of the godly thinks carefully before speaking; the mouth of the wicked overflows with evil words.

THE QUESTION TO ASK:

Does this need to be said?

Is this the best thing to say?

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TIMELY

Proverbs 15:23 (NKJV) – A man has joy by the answer of his mouth, And a word spoken in due season, how good it is!

Proverbs 15:23 (NLT) – Everyone enjoys a fitting reply; it is wonderful to say the right thing at the right time!

Isaiah 50:4 (NKJV) – “The Lord God has given Me The tongue of the learned, That I should know how to speak A word in season to him who is weary. He awakens Me morning by morning, He awakens My ear To hear as the learned.

THE QUESTION TO ASK: 

Is this the best time to have this conversation?

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GRACIOUSLY/TACTFULLY

Colossians 4:6 (NKJV) – Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.

Ephesians 4:29–30 (NKJV) – Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.

³⁰And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.

Corrupt – rotten, worthless, bad

Good – having desirable or positive qualities

Edification – strengthen, make more able, building up – in the sense of bringing something closer to completion/fullness

Good words benefit the hearers. One’s words are to be true and pure and are to contribute to benefiting others.

The way I know if my words are gracious is the person that I am speaking to is edified (strengthened, built up, made more able, they benefited).

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GRACIOUS WORDS ARE PLEASANT WORDS

Proverbs 16:24 (NKJV) – Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, Sweetness to the soul and health to the bones.

 

Proverbs 16:24 (NLT) – Kind words are like honey— sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.

THE QUESTION TO ASK:

Is this the best way to say it?